Sex isn’t everything

31 Oct

Professor Fred Moran and Jon Ritter stared into the canyon rapids of the Roaring Fork. It was a fine October day in the Rockies, and Ritter, at least, was hell-bent on enjoying the final days of warm weather before the snows came.
“Thing is,” said Ritter, snapping a twig and tossing it onto the small stream-side fire, “I think a trip to Alaska next summer is on my itinerary.”
“Righto,” said Moran, stabbing at the flames with his cane, Misty Blue before pirouetting and making another stab at the flames. “I hear there’s a fine fencing club up in the Yukon.”
“Fencing?” Ritter shook his head at such an absurd notion. “You’re lucky if you find any such organizations up that way.”
“Doesn’t matter,” said Moran, stopping to peer into the fire. He smiled and emitted a deep breath. “I’ll find something to keep me busy up there. Life is good.”
Ritter stared at Moran. Lately, the old bird had been in fine fettle, and Ritter couldn’t quite figure out why.
“What is it with you lately?”
“I’m sorry,” said Moran, appearing obviously perplexed.
“I mean. Hell benders. You’ve been as happy as a dog with two peters of late.”
Moran grinned. “Well now. I wouldn’t put it quite that way.  But yes, I have been rather happy of late. Even jubilant, if I may say.”
“So what is it?”
“Ah … just a girl. And a fine girl at that.”
“Right. Some grad student you’ve lured into your orbit through bribery? What is it this time? The promise of an assistant ship to tide a young lass through the cruel winter months.” Ritter shook his head. “You know, you’re going to get in trouble with this nonsense one of these days,” he added, pointing a finger at Moran.
“Jon. Jon. Nothing of the sort. I dare say. I’ve met a fine woman. A mature woman, of fine breeding, intellect and may I say, an incredible sense of humor.”
“A smart woman with a sense of humor? Those have never been your prerequisites for sex. And maturity? Don’t make me gag.”
Just then, there was the sound of heavy hoofs thundering up the mountain.
“Sounds like a horse,” Ritter said.
“Indeed,” Moran said with a grin.
It was a horse, with a beautiful woman  astride the creature. She had long flowing blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and a smile that hinted of hidden desires.
“Marquette.” shrieked Moran.
“Marquette?” said Ritter, looking from the lovely gal to Moran and back at her.
“Come Fred,” she said, in a soft voice. “I’ve rented the room, and I have the
Viagra.”
Without a word, Moran sprinted for the horse. With his hands planted firmly on the stallion’s back side, he vaulted himself upon it. Never before had Ritter seen such athleticism from his old mentor. The horse raised itself on its hind legs before taking off down the mountain.
“I’ve seen everything,” Ritter said.
“Talking to yourself again, I see.”
“Whaaa …”
There, on the other side of the fire, a cocksure grin creasing his face, was Reuther in a baseball uniform.
“Reuther. What … What in the name of God are you doing here?”
“Just got done playing a doubleheader down Durango way.” Reuther picked up a stick and poked at the flames. “What’s all the ruckus about? I thought I heard thundering hooves.”
“You did,” said Ritter, allowing himself to fall in a slump to the ground. Ritter stared at the flames.
“Why so glum old chum?”
“Freakin’ Moran. He just rode off on a freakin’ horse with the most dazzling woman I’ve ever seen.”
“I see,” Reuther said, spearing a hot dog with his stick and holding it over the flames. “And it’s killing you?”
“I’ll admit. It really is.”
“Take heart Sodbuster. So he gets a gorgeous woman.”
“But … but she was … incredible, voluptuous, dazzling …”
“Tut tut,” said Reuther. “Doesn’t matter.”
“But that should be me. I mean … I’m … better than him.”
“Oh for the love of Pete Jon. Look around you. Look out that way, at those mountain peaks. Just listen to the wind blowing through the pines. Take in the sounds of the Roaring Fork … and this great campsite and this fire.”
“Ah … yeah. Guess you’re right.”
Ritter stared at the dancing flames. Shit. Reuther was right.
“It’s the little things in life Jon. Remember that.”

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One Response to “Sex isn’t everything”

  1. mreuther October 31, 2016 at 3:55 pm #

    Reblogged this on mreuther.

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